So I'm working at home now. I feel better about not having to face the pitying stares and faces at work every single day. The awkward silences, the hugs, the hands on the shoulder. All the constant touching, it just makes me cringe. I hope that they feel my unease when they touch me because it does nothing to help me ease my pain. It just makes it worse, reminds me of gaping hole in my life.
Being at home also reminds me of that still unfilled hole in my life, so I don't know which is worse. When I tried working in the living room / dining room where there was some beautiful sunlight coming in, I couldn't do it. It was as if I could almost smell the blood, even though I had
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